An Ethical Dilema

I've mentioned before that I haven't spoken with my father in quite some time. I can't tell you why because I don't know the answer to that myself. My parents were divorced when I was very young. I would see him every second weekend, and when he moved away, I would be flown out to see him. I adored my father when I was little but when I was about thirteen he stopped calling.

I've made contact with him a couple of times over the years. I told him I was getting married, that he has a grandson, that I'm not looking for anything from him. Each time ends the same way. The contact stops as quickly as it began.

It used to be very upsetting for me but I've come to terms with the fact that he doesn't want to be a part of my life, my family, and that there is nothing that I can do change that. I know that I've done all I can and that's all anyone can do.

Mister K has similar issues with the maternal side of his family. His mother used to bake pies for him every week, we would drive up to his grandmother’s house and he would mow the lawn. They had what I thought was a nice relationship. I'm not exactly sure what changed everything. It may have been that she resented that he reunited with his father (her ex-husband) combined with the stress of tragically losing her mate, sadly, we're not exactly sure.

When we were getting married we sent his mothers side invites. Every member from that side of his family declined to come (which was not unexpected). His mother took the opportunity to write a hurtful note on the RSVP card, which basically said 'have a nice life'. When his grandfather died, Granny K begged his brother to be a pallbearer. He refused. When Granny K fell ill they did not visit. When she passed away, they did nothing. The poor thing never understood why her grandson didn't want to be family.

His mother called yesterday to say that his grandmother, her mother, is in the hospital and not doing well. It's hard to know what to do. After all of the pain that they have already caused for Mister K it's hard to see him struggling with this decision. Should he visit her? Should he confront his mother? Should he just be satisfied with knowing that his grandmother is ill? Should he extend the olive branch again and risk being hurt all over again?

It's easy to say, "Of course you should make amends! That's your grandmother!" or "How would you feel if she died?" but it takes more than blood to make people 'family'. Family IS incredibly important to us because of our experiences with our parents. That is what makes this a particularly difficult dilemma. I can't imagine letting anything get in the way of my relationship with my son. I'd go to the ends of the earth for him. Even when Mister K and I are at heads we know that we can depend on one another. I might get angry with them, I may not like what they do, but I'll love and care for them always. It's a pretty terrible feeling when you feel you can't depend on the people that are supposed to love you the most. I don't want my little family to be hurt any more than they have been, especilly not by people who have hurt us before.

This is going to be a tough one.

Wonky horns and spirit dolls

A few years ago I was asked to bring a God and Goddess figure to a ritual. I grabbed some clay and made quick work of it. I was so happy with my figures that they have been sitting on my altars ever since. Last week I decided that my poor, poor, God and Goddess have had enough. The horns on my Horned God have broken off, and are sadly hanging to the side. Ah well, they were only meant to last a day and have given me years of joy.

While working on my new God and Goddess figures I also created some small spirit dolls. These were definitely inspired by some of the beautiful voodoo dollies that I have seen over the years (as well as some the gorgeous art dolls out there). I truly enjoyed making each one of these and really felt as though each one chose how they looked. "What are you making me wear?", "You're not putting that on me!", "This is how I should look!" Sometimes it's best to listen to your work rather than trying to force your ideas. I'm really chuffed with how they've turned out.

What is Halloween?

As I suspected my enthusiasm outweighed that of Little D when it came to making our altar. Ah, well. At least I had his full attention while he sat on the toilet and we managed to discuss a few important tidbits. What did we talk about?

CHANGE
Autumn is a time of change. The leaves turning colour is Mother Nature's way of letting us know that now is a good time to make changes in our lives. Now we can leave behind all the things that we didn't like about last year, and take steps to making next year even better. We talked about things that we liked and did not like and what sort of things would be good for our family.

THE THINNING VIEL
Halloween is a night when we can invite people who have passed to come for a visit. On this night it is much easier for them to visit us than it is the rest of the year. We will let them know that we miss them and are thinking of them by placing some of their favourite things on our altar. We put walnuts on the altar for Great-Grandfather Knickertwist and pink roses for Great-Grandmother. Little D drew a picture and collected some beautiful fall leaves to decorate our altar with too.

There are other things that we can place for other spirits who may want to stop by. It's a long journey for them and they may want to freshen up so we place a bowl of water and a clean towel for them. Some spirits like sweets so we'll place some treats there too. We'll also put out a glass of wine and a glass of water. We want to make sure that we are good hosts for our guests. We will burn incense on our altar as well. Incense smoke helps to send our messages, as it raises it carries our thoughts and wishes. Incense also makes our air sweet and inviting to good spirits, bad spirits don't like the smell so much.

MAKING MAGICK
Little D is particularly fond of my cauldron and making potions. We talked about what types of potions we could make and what sort of magick would be good. After I talked him out of making a "frog turning potion" (quite literally) we have decided to make a potion for good luck. Our 'potion' will actually be an herbal blend and he will begin to learn about herbs as and which ones may bring our house good fortune. Little D has a great deal of interest in herbs and plants, especially those that grow in our garden. He's also been asking questions about four leaf clovers and so I think that we'll be adding a few into the mix.

CANDY & COSTUMES!
Collecting candy and dressing up is his priority at the moment. Sometimes, in my own excitement, I forget that as a four-year-old tunnel vision takes effect and THIS is Halloween. Although I've told him that people first gave out treats so that ghouls wouldn't play tricks on them, and dressing up is to confuse people and spirits, I know that at the moment he's only concerned with if he will get some goodies for his treat bag.

Halloween should be the happiest and most joyous holiday. I'm trying not to get too carried away passing information along to him. What I really want, more than anything, is to foster a positive feeling about the season and create happy memories that will inspire him as he grows.

Mum, who is God?

"Well, err, I, um..."

That was my response when little D asked the big question. How do you explain such a thing to a four year old?

I managed to pull my thoughts together a little bit and went on to say that "god" means different things to different people. I told him that some people think of God as a something that made and looks over everything. I relayed the creation story to him... Adam and Eve and all that stuff that I was told as a child. I did my best to retell the story without adding my own feelings. When I was done I asked him what he thought and if maybe God might be like that. He said it was a good enough story but that he didn't think that it sounded right. So I went on...

I explained that some people don't think that there is any such thing as a god. That for some people god is just a pretend thing that some people believe in. I asked what he thought about that. "No, that's no good." he replied. On we go...

Other people, like his mum and dad, believe that there are loads of gods and goddesses and that each one has a job to do. They each have something special that they must do or something to look after. There is someone to look after animals, another takes care of the seas and oceans, others take care of flowers ... there are an awful lot of jobs and there is a god or goddess to do each one.

"Mother Nature is a goddess (that's a lady god) and she takes care of loads of things. She helps plants to grow and leaves to change colour. She's like a mum who loves and takes care of nature. She has loads of different names, just like me. You call me Mum, daddy calls me N and other people use my full name and sometimes I'm called Mrs. K. I'm still one person, but I have a lot of names. What do you think of that?"

"That's good." he replied. I sighed with relief. "Mum? What's that box called they put dead people in?"

Kids.

Anywho, I'm thinking that the time is right for him to truly start learning about our path. He's always been exposed to images, conversations, divination, cleansing and magick but I've given it quite a bit of thought and I'm going to start getting more indepth with him. I think that our first step will be setting up our altar, and making offerings. I'm really excited about it and I hope that he'll be interested and excited too instead of rolling his eyes and losing interest after five minutes.

Wish me luck!
Mrs K.

Rest in Pieces

"BANG!" and there I am up like a shot in what I think is the dead of night. I swore I heard a very loud bang ... maybe a gunshot! ... hmmm, Mister K and Little D are still fast asleep. I check the clock and it's only 11:30pm. I must have dozed off and been dreaming. Since I'm up anyway, I cautiously make my way downstairs to check email and maybe do a little sewing.


"Drip. Drip. Drip" Hmmm, perhaps the tap hasn't been shut properly. Nope, the noise is coming from in the kitchen... WHAT THE?!?!? I takes a few minutes for the whole scene to sink in. Everything is wet. There is broken stuff all over the floor. I have no idea what has happened and then I see the cause of the "bang".

This was a two litre pop bottle.
It was filled with grape juice.
It exploded.


There was juice on the ceiling, behind the fridge, all over the walls, pretty much all over everything. One of my hand potted spell bottles broke in two pieces. My skeleton snowglobe was smashed. Worst of all my favourite witch went from this... (that's her on the left)





To this ...

I'm very sad about my smashed witch. Mister K brought her home from a trip to the dump and I had spent an hour cleaning her up. Poor thing. To be saved from the dump just to end up like this.

I had bought a brand new witch today. She was pretty much untouched except for a chip out of her kerchief. She didn't cost very much and I'm not completely emotionally attached to her (yet) so a wee mar doesn't bother me. I'm mighty sad about the other gal though.

Now, I am really happy about two things.

#1 that my kiddo wasn't in the kitchen when the bottle blew up. I'm happy none of us were. We are a family that eats around the dinner table every night (except pizza night) so if this had happened just a few hours earlier someone could have easily been hurt and I thank the Goddess and Gods that they protected us from that nightmare. I keep thinking to myself "What would have happened if the wee fella was standing beside that when it blew?" We are so fortunate!

#2 I'm pleased that Mister K had to wash the walls. I know that sounds terrible but sometimes I think that he forgets that someone has to do stuff like that or that you can't ignore 'chores' Now he'll be forced to remember that someone does indeed wash those walls and that floor, and that a bottle of fermenting grape juice does not like to be ignored.

My heart is still in my throat from all the 'excitement' but I think I may try to hit the hay and dream of better things than broken old witches.

Halloweeny

I love Halloween. There has always seemed to be something magical about Halloween night, I've always felt this way, even as a child. I am determined that little D will grow to feel that this is a special occasion too.

When D started school we were asked about what holidays we celebrated. We said that we were pagan and celebrated all major holidays as well as a few others. His teacher was confused. "Let's just say that Halloween is a really big deal in our house." I told her. She said that many parents don't even realize when Halloween is, that many totally forget about it. My own mother asks every year "What day is that on again?" Darn muggles. I hope that D will embrace Halloween as a special holiday for our family.

For the past two years we've had what we've dubbed a "Halloweeny Party" for D and his little friends. Basically just creepy food, a few games and a chance for parents to gab for a couple of hours. This year has been crazy busy and I'm sad we're not doing one but I am glad of a little less stress. Still this is a tradition I'll want to rekindle next year, we'll just have to find a way to make a go of it again. It's nice to share the Halloweeny goodness with others who may otherwise only toss a costume on their kid and trick-or-treat a few blocks.

A tradition that we have followed for a number of years now is a Dumb Supper. This can mean different things (a dinner eaten in silence, one that is served backwards... dessert first) but for us we set an extra place at the dinner table, a place for any spirit guests to join in our feast. We make a nice meal and toast our family, those that have passed and the year ahead.

We also do little things. Decorations are put out. Our altar is decorated for the season. Extra care is taken for offerings to our departed. Little D gets a homemade costume. We... errr, okay, I... buy too many pumpkins and Mister K shakes his head. And just like boxing day, we go out after Halloween and buy up as many deals on Halloween decorations as we can.

Anywho, here is a pic of D in this years costume. There are still a few finishing touches but it's almost there. He's such a ham.

Insomnia = Productivity

***If you are my vintage Halloween swap buddy look away now!

Okay, when little master D actually goes to sleep (and I don't fall asleep putting him to bed) I manage to get quite a bit done. I suppose it helps that I'm suffering from a wee bout of insomnia and need to keep myself busy with something or rot my mind watching the same episode of CSI Miami for the millionth time.

This evening I started on three more wizard paintings. See them above in various stages of development. Works in progress are fascinating and frightening at the same time. They still need loads of work and I'm not nearly as happy with these as I am my other two paintings just yet but they will get there in time. They just need a lot of love.

I've also sent off my package for my "Vintage Halloween" swap partner. My favourite thing that I made was this little box. It looks like a trunk on the outside but inside it's a wee Halloween shrine. I hope she likes it!