It's 1am and I'm afraid to go to sleep.

I've been having nightmares lately. Over the past couple of weeks I've had some doozies where I wake up, quite literally, scared stiff and don't really want to go back to sleep. Being the total sleep hog that I am, I do manage to drift back off.

Tonight, I'm not looking forward to what awaits me when I close my eyes.

Earlier today I had heard a number of accounts of a body laying in one of the main intersections downtown. I thought that it was a terrible thing but really didn't give it too much thought. That is, until someone gave me an account of the gory details. Apparently someone she knows saw the accident first hand and she felt compelled to share. I really didn't need to hear it.

I love movie violence. I adore Hollywood blood and gore. I root for the zombies. The more disgusting the better as far as visual effects go, is what I say. Real violence and gore... not so much. Christ, if I were a witness to anything like that, I'd need therapy for life.

I'm not exactly the most sympathetic person you'll ever meet. After people relay a sad story to me I've often been told that I'm heartless or mean. I think that people misinterpret my reactions as cold when they are really just logical. After all, most of those sad stories could have a completely different ending if someone had just applied common sense at some point.

Despite what others may think, I'm not totally indifferent to the affairs of others. This accident has really gotten to me. What about the poor driver who hit the girl? The victim? Her family? Her friends? The people passing on the street? The police who had to work the scene? There must be hundreds of people affected by this. I was nowhere near the place, don't know a single person involved, and yet I still do not want to go to sleep for fear of having a dream about the damned thing.

So, I've been trying to keep myself busy tonight by making things, but glue needs to set and paint needs to dry and I must go to bed at some point because there's a meeting tomorrow and loads of work to be done. If only it weren't so hard for me to clear my mind. Perhaps I'll try focusing on something pleasant instead. Pumpkins. Lovely, pumpkins. Fingers crossed I'll only dream of lovely orange pumpkins with Jack-o-lantern grins.

It's that time again...

The harvest is upon us which means that the Mr is away. I haven't seen a whisker in two days :( He's gone before I wake up and gets home after my tired ass has fallen asleep putting the wee fella to bed. Although it's very nice to say 'I'm a graphic designer and my husband is a winemaker' the truth of the matter is that at this time of year it's not a very nice reality.

In other, not so depressing news, I've been making my fingers to the bone. Here are a few of my newly made things...



I'd really love to get some items up for sale but I despise pricing things and I seem to make things best when I'm making for someone in particular. *sigh* One of these days, very soon, I'll put a few things up for sale. The Mr is getting right annoyed at the amount of things just sitting about.

Perhaps I'll be more inspired to do some selling after visiting the crafty Thanksgiving fair in Vineland this weekend. I love seeing other peoples loverly things :)

Packing in the oils...

I'm restless.

Another creative spurt has struck and I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm sitting at work at the mo' thinking what I can possibly splash across the blank canvas that is waiting for me at home.

I've sketched up another faerie portrait which I rather like far more than the last... somehow pencils have made themselves comfortable in my hand :) I haven't really pencil sketched in ages so it's a nice change of pace. Creating with pencils is lovely. All that smudging and erasing... oooohhhhh.



Perhaps it's the sort of lack of 'hands on' that it frustrating me with oils. I really thought that I'd love them. I don't. Oils are messy, and not in that fun way that other mediums are. Ick.

Just to ensure that I didn't lose my arsty painterly touch I picked up my old friends the acrylics and did a portrait of Dexter bowling. He's not totally done (I'm always bloody saying that) but here he is a detail of his face so far...
I'm fairly chuffed :)

I'd rather be at home

We've just had a lovely long weekend together. Playing and doing loads of nice things as a family makes going back to work very hard. There is so much more I'd rather be doing than sitting at my desk. When I'm not swamped at my 'day job' it does give me some time to become inspired by all of the wonderful stuff other people are doing. Here is a really swell link full of inspiration that I've stumbled across today... Elemental Craft Blog

I seem to be quite sleepy lately and have let my creative midnight habits go by the wayside this past week or so, falling asleep with my wee one rather than keeping myself awake doing any sort of making. That said I've got a few things on the go and there are a number of ideas floating around in my head.

While I wait in frustration for my oil paintings to dry I've started making a few faerie portraits. I've based them on some old photographs that I bought off ebay a while ago. Here is the first done in watercolour and pencil crayon.

Next on my list is a rather large shrine... fingers crossed that I can find the perfect base for my mad creation :)

Church Camp for our Little Pagan

We've sent D, the littlest Knickertwist, to a church day camp this week. Why would we set a little pagan among a sea of Christian children? My good friend, and the mom of D's bestest buddy, asked if D could attend a day camp offered by the church she teaches Sunday school at. I have to admit I had some reservations (and so did Mr. K) but it's turned out quite well.

Under the theme "Rain Forest Adventure" the kids learn about the rain forest, the animals that live there, and yes, some Christian teachings. While the songs and bible passages aren't exactly up my alley, the messages are the same as what we already teach him. To share, to be kind, and to be thankful to god... or in our case, gods. This isn't Fundamentalism, or an aggressive ploy to 'save' my child. It's a demonstration that to most people, what is really important, is being a decent human being who cares about the world and people around them.

This experience has been pretty positive for us. D's beliefs have not changed, he had fun, made some new friends and even learned some new things. I could do without the christian kids music cd he brought home, but if that's my biggest issue, it's one I can deal with. Most enlightening was that D's beliefs have been more thoroughly challenged in his every day life than they have been at church camp. I'll take that as a big wake-up call. The best thing that has come out of this is our confidence that D is strong in his beliefs, and that being a good person is really the most important thing of all.

I really should be working...

It was my first day back at work today after a week spent camping and otherwise funning it up with the family. I was stuck in the office until 8pm and I have loads and loads of work that I need to be doing but somehow can't bring myself to do. *sigh*

What I would rather be doing is painting, making and updating our site.

I have to admit that we've let the Knickertwist site slide for quite a while but I think that it's really done us (ok, me) a world of good. I've been focusing on creating stuff purely for the love of it and to push my abilities and creative process. I've managed to create quite a bit in the past months and I'm really happy with the progress that I've made. If it wasn't for the break I don't think that I'd be nearly as happy with the revamped site.

Our reinvented site is far closer to who we really are and our vision. I'm hoping to steal some time and add a slew of fresh new content... but I want it good and proper... something we can be proud of... so I won't rush it :)

What's with the breeding negativity?

This morning I checked my email, and looked through a few posts on a message board I subscribe to. I realized rather quickly why I seldom bother to look at them any longer.

When I look at my sagging bookshelf there are a number of titles from Llewellyn. Some are good. Some not so good. I think that this is pretty common with any publisher. Why has Llewellyn become such a sore point for many pagans? I see it all the time "Just don't buy anything from Llewellyn". Why not? Raymond Buckland, Scott Cunningham, and Raven Grimassi, all big pagan names, all have titles published under Llewellyn. I'm certain that most publishers put out a fair number of titles that aren't exactly brilliant.

"They are just out to make money" is another quote I often see. So what? Isn't the point of running a business to turn a profit? I suppose I just wonder what is so wrong with making money and how you survive without it. I don't think that anyone pointing and making this accusation is managing to live without money. I'd wager that most have a job to make money themselves.

It's not just Llewellyn. It's this author, or that book, or path, or group... If you don't like something that's fine. Shout it from the rooftops! Just make certain it's your opinion and you have valid reasons for it. Let's not perpetuate negativity just because it's easier than finding something positive to say. Maybe someone could say "I'm not fussy on that book but a great title you might want to read is ... " Isn't that more productive?

The reason this really gets to me is that I've met loads of people who have had an interest in paganism and witchcraft only to be completely put off by the snobbish load of rubbish that members of their 'pagan community' have handed them. If someone finds their path through a pink book about love spells who cares? They have taken their first steps... isn't that what's important?

But wait... apparently this isn't good enough for some. Some people actually believe that to be a witch you must be special. You must be chosen! Sorry, but I think that's bunk. If your interest has been piqued then the goddess may have nudged you in the direction of the occult/new age section of the book store for a reason... If someone is making an effort why belittle them?

Being a witch is not about being special. Being a witch is not about joining a coven, it's not about reading and memorizing 300 books on Wicca. Being a witch (for me anyway) is about striving for balance in every aspect of my life. It's about using spell craft to become an active participant in my life. It's about continually learning and applying that knowledge I have gained. It's about connecting with the gods and goddess' that touch my life. It's about being as true to myself as I can possibly be.

I'll let you in on a little secret... you do not need validation from others to confirm what you already know to be true. Follow your path and do it proudly.