Thursday, October 23, 2008

It's 1am and I'm afraid to go to sleep.

I've been having nightmares lately. Over the past couple of weeks I've had some doozies where I wake up, quite literally, scared stiff and don't really want to go back to sleep. Being the total sleep hog that I am, I do manage to drift back off.

Tonight, I'm not looking forward to what awaits me when I close my eyes.

Earlier today I had heard a number of accounts of a body laying in one of the main intersections downtown. I thought that it was a terrible thing but really didn't give it too much thought. That is, until someone gave me an account of the gory details. Apparently someone she knows saw the accident first hand and she felt compelled to share. I really didn't need to hear it.

I love movie violence. I adore Hollywood blood and gore. I root for the zombies. The more disgusting the better as far as visual effects go, is what I say. Real violence and gore... not so much. Christ, if I were a witness to anything like that, I'd need therapy for life.

I'm not exactly the most sympathetic person you'll ever meet. After people relay a sad story to me I've often been told that I'm heartless or mean. I think that people misinterpret my reactions as cold when they are really just logical. After all, most of those sad stories could have a completely different ending if someone had just applied common sense at some point.

Despite what others may think, I'm not totally indifferent to the affairs of others. This accident has really gotten to me. What about the poor driver who hit the girl? The victim? Her family? Her friends? The people passing on the street? The police who had to work the scene? There must be hundreds of people affected by this. I was nowhere near the place, don't know a single person involved, and yet I still do not want to go to sleep for fear of having a dream about the damned thing.

So, I've been trying to keep myself busy tonight by making things, but glue needs to set and paint needs to dry and I must go to bed at some point because there's a meeting tomorrow and loads of work to be done. If only it weren't so hard for me to clear my mind. Perhaps I'll try focusing on something pleasant instead. Pumpkins. Lovely, pumpkins. Fingers crossed I'll only dream of lovely orange pumpkins with Jack-o-lantern grins.

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