Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Day 14 - Naked Tanned Santa Cookies

It's getting down to crunch time and so I thought today would be a great time to share a disaster story. Things get a tiny bit NSFW at the bottom... fair warning.


I have a pretty great collection of cookie cutters. Cat's, mushrooms, moons, ballerinas... this year I thought I'd go with the dinosaurs, yeti/bigfoot theme. I rooted around for decorating ideas, I did sketches, I had a vision of just what I wanted to create...

The Naked Tanned Santa Incident - Nichola Battilana

... but I quickly realized that I was creating naked tanned Santa's. That was not the look I was going for. Was there a way I could fix it? Provide the old chap with some modesty?

The Naked Tanned Santa Incident - Nichola Battilana

French Rivera Santa was not an improvement but by this time I was overcome with fits of laughter. Streams of tears were running down my cheeks. I hadn't laughed so hard in ages. How could I help but take it just one step further?!?!

The Naked Tanned Santa Incident - Nichola Battilana

My husband called and was immediately concerned "Are you ok? What's wrong?" I couldn't even get the words out. I was having a fit of hysterics. No matter how hard I tried to explain the failed Yeti/Bigfoot turned naked Santa incident it did not do justice to the gingerbread masterpiece on the counter.

And so, if things aren't turning out perfectly, just remember that I lived through anatomically correct (?) naked tanned Santa cookies. You'll survive too.


19 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahahahaha omg...I was in such a sh*t mood this morning until I saw this. Bahahahahaha

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  2. Guess that answers the question.............have you been naughty or nice?!

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  3. LOL.
    Believe it or not, about 20 years ago I did the same thing - but they were even more explicit. LOL I had gingerbread men *and* ladies. By the way - did you discover that cookie dough put through a garlic press makes the perfect pubic hair?! :P I was selling them in a little local craft shop for $5 a piece - and couldn't keep up - and that was back when $5 was worth $5! LOL

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    1. I always used a garlic press for hair but I am not sure I will ever look at one the same way again lolol!
      Thanks ( I think) and Merry Christmas hahaha

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    2. I'm pretty sure that we need to do a 'dirty cookie exchange' next year. How much fun would that be?!?

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    3. Great idea! I raise you one Dolly Parton to your naked Santa hahahaha! Cookie Porn Poker could be the new fad!

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    4. Let's do it! Be sure to remind me if I forget. Holy crap that'll be fun!

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    5. I will definitely remind you! We should Skype it and all sit around and have a toddy together! Have to send out invites :D

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  4. Yep, you made my day. When I finally stopped laughing something occurred to me, like a twisted vision. How about a sign that reads "Nude Beach" with what looks like a hand written Merry Christmas sign propped up to it. Tristan got me thinking some more. That cookie cutter would work just as well for a Mrs Santa. A palm tree or two and some elves, with their turned up shoes, maybe elf hats and loin cloths. There'd have to be one elf waving his loin cloth like a flag. Sorry, I've never been able to leave well enough alone. What looks like edible sand? Would make a fine centerpiece!

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  5. Okay! Trying this again lol! Hilarious cookie fest! Santa surely needs some down time on the coast. I bet these would fly off the table at a nursing home bake sale and you might be in to something big. Thanks again for a good chuckle on a rat race kind of day :)

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  6. Does Mrs. Claus know what Santa is up to on your kitchen counter? This is funny!

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  7. I was thinking you might need to warm your kitchen up a bit it a little blue in there ( in more ways than one) :D

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    1. OMG you make me laugh. lol It IS chilly in there.

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  8. This is the best thing I have seen in a while. I needed that laugh. :)

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  9. Oh goodness no! Your poor Santa is so cold he's suffering a terrible case of blue balls!!!!!

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  10. Oh Nichola, you ALWAYS have a way to brighten someone's day. Looks like the last Santa is going to have a 'blue, blue Christmas'....LOL! Now every time I hear that Elvis song I will be chuckling away and nobody will know why;)

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